I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
