38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
