I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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