i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
