Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
