Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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