So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
