If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
