if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
