No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
