all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
