i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
