I look better un-naked...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
