The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
