im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
