I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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