last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
