omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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