Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
