does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cut my penus on the lid.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
