the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
