Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
