I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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