Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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