please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
