Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize