and you said cock pushups were impossible
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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