im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
