Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
