he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
