What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
