I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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