i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think we might need a safe word for this...
God I need to hump something, right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize