Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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