She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
