i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't deserve a penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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