we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
