look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
