apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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