Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
