I met the friendliest cop last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
