Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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