She said her name was "party"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
