well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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