1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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