so that wasnt chicken after all
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
