Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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