when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
