The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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