peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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