I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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