You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
