so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
