Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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