sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
