Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
