i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
