Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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