Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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